I Won't Admit I Need You
by From Heavan to Hell and Back
Summary: Harry has always been an orphan, Draco had always wished he had been an orphan. The two enemies never thought of looking into each others pain. What if the only way out was to help and love each other?
1. Author's Note

I Won't Admit I Need You  
  
I won't admit I need you  
Don't let me get too close  
I refuse to let you in my heart  
I hate to say I'm empty  
My heart is one big hole  
I'm scared to say I'm bleeding  
Lying naked on the floor  
My tears are made of poison  
And I will not let you help  
I can't say I'm weak  
Too tired to carry my own emotions  
But most of all  
I won't admit I need you  
  
Authors Note: This is my first Draco and Harry fic. I have done slash before with my Sirius and James fic. For my few fans of that one I will be continuing it just not as quickly as one might hope. So enjoy and if you hate it I am incredibly sorry, I'm not that good a writer.  
  
Disclaimer: All characters and settings are the property of J.K. Rowling but the theme and plot are owned by me. 


	2. Dreaming of You

'One more day.' Sighed Harry ticking off a day on a beaten piece of parchment.  
  
It was the summer before Harry (the-boy-who-lived) Potter's seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Harry groaned and stared up at the white ceiling of his small bedroom at Number 4 Privet Drive. Yet again he had been left with his horrid Aunt and Uncle for the summer holidays.  
  
".and it's the last!" said Harry forcefully to a snow white owl named Hedwig.  
  
For after this year Harry was free. Being now 18 and the legal adult age he was allowed to leave the Dursley's forever. Never again would he have to see the disgusting faces of his soul surviving relatives.  
  
Harry's heart was still set on becoming an aura, or possibly a quidditch career? Yes he had amused him self with that idea but wasn't sure how large of a chance he had. He mumbled something incoherent as he pictured his long year of having N.E.W.T classes with his least favorite teacher, Professor Snape.  
  
"You'd think after all these years he would've gotten over a simple childhood grudge."  
  
"Boy!" echoed a loud boom from the bottom of the stairs "Get your breakfast or we'll throw it out!"  
  
Knowing perfectly well the Dursleys would have no greater joy than to fulfill this threat, Harry bounded down the flight of stairs to the small amazingly clean kitchen.  
  
Harry sat heavily in a chair at the four sided table. Aunt Petunia slapped an orange in front of each of the tables' occupants. Dudley screwed up his porky face in protest and whimpered pointedly.  
  
"Now popkins," cooed Aunt Petunia "you need to be able to fit in this years Smeltings uniform."  
  
Harry chuckled inwardly. Dudley must be roughly the size of a baby Orca. Any larger and they'd be making his clothes out of a circus tent. Anyways, boxing was keeping Dudley from gaining any more mass amounts of weight.  
  
Harry, now the age of 18, had grown to six feet. He was still slender but years of quidditch muscles showed through his nicely bronzed skin. Unkempt raven hair lay lazily in his eyes. Harry liked the shaggier look without it being too dreadfully long.  
  
Aunt Petunia gave Harry a scrutinizing look. He knew she would love to take a pair of scissors to his head. This was out of the question, his shaggy locks reminded him ever so slightly of his late god father, Sirius Black. The hole Sirius was still evident but Harry was finally letting himself heal.  
  
The orange quickly disappeared as Harry stuffed it in his mouth. He stole a glance at Uncle Vernon before voicing the burning question inside of himself.  
  
"Will you be taking me to Kings Cross tomorrow then?"  
  
Uncle Vernon grunted his consent. He supposed the Dursleys were bursting with excitement about Harry's departure. Why were they trying to hide it? Hoping to finish the year without any sudden out bursts of magic? Harry shrugged and felt the question was best unanswered.  
  
"Then I guess I'll go finish packing" said Harry as he rose and left the room.  
  
Later that night Harry was sitting a top his bed flicking through a photo album filled with moving pictures of his parents. Harry bit back a threatening lump in the back of his throat as he ran across the only picture holding his god father. Sirius was grinning warmly and beaming up at Harry on the day of the Potters wedding.  
  
"I still miss him" confided Harry stroking Hedwig as she nipped affectionately at his ear.  
  
Harry shut the book and laid it gently on his folded robes in his dark oak trunk. He dropped the lid and locked it, relieved he would be leaving. Harry longed for the company of his two best friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weezley.  
  
He left the side of his trunk and lay back on his bed. Harry's heart longed for someone to comfort him but quickly pushed the unwanted emotion away. He was a man now, independent; he had no time for self pity. Sighing Harry rolled over and calmly drifted off to sleep.  
  
Harry was sitting alone, knees pulled tightly to his chest with his arms hugging them almost in a defending position. Harry didn't care anymore, not like anyone was around to see, he let the tears run unashamedly down his face.  
  
Slender strong arms wrapped gently around him from behind. Harry was surprised but quickly recovered leaning back against the stranger. He could instantly tell that the stranger was male, but Harry didn't mind. Any love was welcome at this point. Harry buried his face in the strangers shoulder. He felt himself being pulled comfortingly in a lap.  
  
A kiss was placed on top of his had and smooth fingers ran through his dark hair. For the first time this summer Harry let a true smile curve onto his lips. Harry felt all the longing he had been feeling these long weeks was finally being taken care of and it was a wondrous feeling.  
  
Harry woke with a start as a voice was yelling up at him. He snapped back into the real world and gloomily pulled his trunk downstairs wishing desperately to be back in the dream but relieved to be finally going home. 


	3. Stonewall of Emotions

Draco sat stiffly on his window sill at Malfoy Manor. It had been nearly over a year since his father had escaped Azkaban and gone with the other death eaters to join Lord Voldemort. If he had thought the physical absence of his father would free him of any of Lucious's tyrant ways, he was horribly mistaken. Though the man was not visible, Lucious Malfoy still ruled Malfoy Manor with a tight leash.  
  
Draco gazed up at a large cage bearing his hawk. He could not help but think how caged he himself felt; he only lived with his mother now. Narcissa Malfoy ran everything on Lucious's orders. Truthfully she was frightened of Draco's father but she would never admit it.  
  
"Draco," Narcissa's voice rang up the stairs "time for breakfast."  
  
Draco removed himself from the window and swiftly descended the large cascading steps. He appeared at the kitchen table running a hand through his unkempt hair. Narcissa sniffed disapprovingly but turned her attention to the food being placed before her by a small house elf.  
  
"Anything I can get you Mr. Malfoy, sir?" squeaked a small voice at Dracos elbow.  
  
"Just toast" replied Draco letting his face fall into that expressionless look he was known for.  
  
Draco, nearly 17, was a boy of 6'1 with a long graceful figure. He was the image pf what a Malfoy ought to be, tall, strong, and powerful. His blond hair, normally slicked back, was now loose framing his pointed features. The part Draco most liked about himself was the stunning orbs known as his eyes. This beautiful silver clouded ever so slightly by blue. They could make anyone melt.  
  
"Dear Draco," said Narcissa in a falsely sweet tone "how did you sleep?"  
  
"Quite well mother." Came Dracos emotionless voice "And yourself?"  
  
"Not good at all. Your father sent an owl late last night. At the end of this year he expects you to join him and the other death eaters. Being Head Boy now I'm sure it won't be all that difficult to help recruit others."  
  
Draco grunted, he secretly had no desire to become a death eater but really had no choice, Luscious was not afraid to use illegal curses, even on his own son. The prospect of more pain that he had already endured was terrifying. Draco was just glad to know he would be going back to Hogwarts tomorrow.  
  
Though he wasn't too fond of many of the Professors Draco did feel more at home there than in this drafty place. Other than a select number of Gryffindors he was not looked on with a hint of disgust at the school. He was quite respected if he did venture to say so himself. There was always Saint Potter and his two little friends.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes inwardly and changed the subject in his mind to Quidditch. He did greatly hope practice would start soon. Over the summer he had been too busy being trained in the Dark Arts to do any flying. Hogwarts shined like a distant beacon of light to him, he dared not think of what awaited him at the time of his graduation. No he would not torment himself with useless worrying. Maybe times would change by then, he could only hope.  
  
"Mother?" Draco asked quite politely "may I got to my room and finish packing?"  
  
"Of course." Came Narcissa's immediate reply wishing her son away from her side.  
  
Draco hurried back up the large steps and into his room. Even the room was cold and distant to him. Nothing at this place ever seemed to reflect any love. Then again, what would a Malfoy need with love? Draco drew himself up straight, he wasn't even sure his parents loved each other. Knowing that fact he should be quite capable in living with out that unattainable emotion, it did more harm than good at any rate.  
  
Draco tossed himself to the bed and buried himself deep in the softness of the expensive linens. He was crying now, he couldn't stop himself. The very depths of Dracos soul were screaming out their sadness. These feelings were ripping at his skin hating the confines of this mortal body and Draco lay atop his bed doing all he could to keep himself composed. It was so difficult anymore but Draco was the master of himself. No matter inhuman denying these feelings were he would do just that, to give in would be weakness and Draco would die before he fell by his own means of destruction. With these last thoughts his eyes fluttered shut and Draco drifted off to sleep.  
  
~The wind blew hard and cold as Draco stood alone on a hilltop looking down at the silent hills. A song he knew from his late grandmother came back to him:  
  
The lightning strikes  
  
The thunder rolls  
  
The winds howl  
  
As the sea moans  
  
Atop the hillside he stands  
  
Amidst the weather and danger at hand  
  
He does not run  
  
He does not flee  
  
He says to himself  
  
This is in me  
  
For he knows what it's like to cry  
  
Knows all too well what it's like to want to die  
  
He knows all angers powerful and swift  
  
Like the vicious tide carrying her adrift  
  
He knows all sorrows strong and deep  
  
He knows what it's like to weep  
  
But still one hope remains  
  
He dreams he will see the light again  
  
Draco let the tears fall, they stung as the wind whipped hard across his cheeks. He was so alone and had no idea what to do. A hand suddenly grasped his own. Draco was caught by surprised. The hand gently drifted up his arm and arms wrapped tightly about his shoulders. Draco felt the wind die as the stranger's hands wiped the tears off his cheeks. For a moment he was happy.~  
  
"Draco! Get up or you'll miss the train."  
  
Draco's eyes flew open as he quickly dressed and packed. He was going back today, oh what a happy thought that was. Hogwarts was his ray of hope. It was finally time to go home.  
  
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~: ~:~:~:~:~:~: A/N: Thank you so much to all my reviewers. Your input is absolutely wonderful. I am so sorry for any misspellings or miscalculations I do. Please forgive me and keep reviewing. ^____________________________________________________________________^ 


	4. The Road Home

Harry looked momentarily back at the Dursley's car now whipping out of sight before running at the barrier between platforms 9 and 10. He remembered all too well his first year when he had been so frightened of running to solid wall, now it seemed so natural. In a moment Harry stood facing a magnificent train with the writing "Hogwarts Express".  
  
"HARRY!" was all he heard before he was engulfed in the arms of a bushy haired girl. "It's so wonderful to see you!"  
  
"Hermione let him breathe" came a voice as a tall red headed boy walked up to the two of them. "How was your summer mate?"  
  
"Horrible." Laughed Harry "but come on let's go see if we can go find ourselves a good compartment." With that the trio headed onto the train lugging their baggage behind them.  
  
As the three Gryffindors ambled onto the train another person came through the barrier. Draco was looking slightly disheveled but none the less reasonably happy. As he walked towards the train his mother who had come right after him grabbed his arm.  
  
"Remember your fathers letter and make us proud." With that she left a forced kiss on the top of Draco's head "Have a good year son."  
  
Those words said she gave Draco a small shove off to the train. He sighed resignedly and climbed onto the first car. He would find himself a compartment and wait for those brainless oafs Crabbe and Goyle to join him.  
  
Draco was dragging his trunk along when he stopped in front of a compartment near the middle and looked in the window. There was St. Potter and his to little friends, the Weasel and Mudblood. Both were laughing at something Potter had said. A sudden wave of jealousy hit Draco like a tidal wave.  
  
'What right have they to be happy?' he thought bitterly to himself 'and I so miserable.'  
  
Harry felt eyes upon him and raised his head to look out the compartment window. For a mere second silver met green and the indescribable emotion felt between both boys was strong. Draco regained his composure and sneered maliciously at Harry and moved on leaving a very confused Harry to wonder what had just happened there.  
  
"Harry? Harry! Are you listening to me?"  
  
"Oh sorry Hermione," Harry returned to his senses "I must have spaced off, can you repeat what you just said?"  
  
"I was thinking that we should make some sort of homework schedules for this year, lord knows with the N.E.W.T.S in June we will need to make sure we are always caught up in each class."  
  
Ron and Harry exchanged exasperated looks and smiled to each other. The previous moment with Draco was pushed from his mind as they began a game of exploding snap. It was good to be with his friends.  
  
A few compartments a head Draco's mind was still on that insufferable Harry Potter. What had just happened? It must have been Draco's imagination. He had just come from a whole summer filled with solitude. Of course it would be awkward coming back to a sea of people who respected and feared him; he just needed to pull himself together.  
  
"Where have you two been?" Draco asked the two large figures now stumbling into his compartment.  
  
"We only just got on, we were late" replied a red faced and panting Gregory Goyle.  
  
"Really now? What for?" asked Draco curiously.  
  
"When we got to the platform our mums wanted to talk to yours about letters from your father."  
  
Draco rolled his eyes. Of course Mrs. Goyle and Crabbe would be eager to hear any sort of hello from there blundering husbands. When Potter had given that interview of course the three men would be under heavy suspicion. They wouldn't have been if that horrible old man, Albus Dumbledore hadn't stepped in and shown the proof of the return of Voldemort.  
  
A plump woman opened the door of the compartment and smiled sweetly. "Anything off the trolley, dears?"  
  
Of course Crabbe and Goyle nearly bought the entire cart but Draco waved her on. He was not hungry, two different thoughts were chasing around in his mind. One of course was of his father and how his last year at school would be affected by Lucius. The other oddly enough was still on that raven haired boy a few compartments down, why on earth was he in Draco's thoughts? He would not let this bother him though. Wasting his precious time thinking of Potter? Ridiculous. He directed his attention to Crabbe as he was telling of his summer.  
  
The ride to Hogwarts was long for both Harry and Draco but they eventually arrived. Hoping off the train to hear the familiar call of Hagrid's voice for the first years. Harry, Ron, and Hermione ran towards a carriage with Ginny following close behind. All four jumped in and shut the door. Immediately the line of carriages headed off towards the tall castle in the distance where they would be living for the next nine months.  
  
The four of them listened as Hermione fretted over N.E.W.T.S and Ginny giggled knowing she still had one more year till she had to face them. Ron was talking excitedly to Harry about Quidditch. Ron's favorite team, the Chudley Canons seemed to be moving up in the world cup ranks. "Oh Harry I never told you!" cried Hermione causing everyone to look at her. She pulled a small badge out of her pocket with the two letters H G on it. "Isn't it exciting?"  
  
Harry nodded smiling. He was very proud of Hermione, she was a very clever girl and quite compassionate when Harry needed consoling. In a carriage 3 behind them the position of Head Boy ad Girl was also the subject being talked of.  
  
"Head boy?" said Crabbe looking stupidly at the small badge "bet that made your father happy."  
  
Draco sighed; he didn't know or care what his father thought of him being Head Boy. He was almost sure he would be hearing from him or his mother soon. The thought made his stomach churn. He had no idea what they expected of him or if he would even want to fulfill their desires. He was quickly dismissed of these thoughts as the carriage pulled in front of the castle.  
  
"Watch it!" said Draco as a body was pushed roughly into him.  
  
"Sorry" came a gasp and Draco turned to have his eyes meet with those dazzling green ones again.  
  
The world seemed to stop for a minute as Harry and Draco stared at each other. Draco was the first to snap out of it.  
  
"Better watch your step Potter or I'll have to assign you a detention" Draco sneered pointing to his badge.  
  
Harry shot the boy a dirty look and headed off into the castles dining hall. Draco and his cronies following close behind. Harry was not looking forward to having Draco being Head Boy, but for now he would not worry about it. There was a feast to get to.  
  
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~: ~:~:~:~:~:~: A/N: Thank you so much all my reviewers. Again I just have to apologize for all my spelling mistakes. You see I've always listened to Harry Potter on tape to help me get to sleep so I don't always know how to spell things. But I can say I know all 5 books quite well. Yes the poem at the beginning is mine and the song Draco remembers is also written by me. Thank you again. ^___________________________________________________________________^ 


	5. Inside You

The students took their seats at the respected house tables. Moments later the great oak doors flew open framing Professor McGonogall with a herd of frightened looking first years behind. Harry remembered all too well his first year and how he had been so frightened of what task might arise to sort them into the houses. It had always bothered him that the Sorting Hat had so deeply considered putting him in Slytherin, but it was proved on countless occasions the true Gryffindor he was.  
  
"Now if you'll all get into a straight line here." Instructed McGonagall "When I call your name you will sit on the stool and place the hat upon your head."  
  
With that the sorting began. Harry clapped as hard as the rest as many new students were sorted into Gryffindor. As the last of the first years sat next to their new house mates Dumbledore stood. This was all it took for the hall to go quiet. The headmaster opened his arms wide and smiled.  
  
"Tuck in!"  
  
At his words the golden plates all around filled with food. Immediately Ron grabbed for the nearest plate of chicken legs and began to eat. The trio all looked up and smiled as Nearly Headless Nick wafted by their table. Well I guess you couldn't call the shape Ron's face turned into as a distinguishable smile but through the mouthful of chicken Nick could tell.  
  
"Good summer Nick?" inquired Harry of the translucent figure.  
  
"Same as usual," replied Nick in his usual gloomy voice "Peeves attempted to cause havoc on the first years dormitories. I guarantee you Filch is not in a good mood, Spent the whole day cleaning."  
  
Argus Filch was the caretaker of Hogwarts. Along with his constant war against the student his life was constantly made harder by the resident poltergeist, Peeves.  
  
The feast was wonderful as usual. The trio sat full to bursting as Dumbledore stood again. "As usual I must remind you all the forbidden forest is off limits to all students, and the list of objects not allowed in the corridors can be found on Mr. Filch's office door. With that I bade you all a good night."  
  
The hall was soon filled with the sound of shuffling feet as the sea of students milled its way to the doors. Hermione and Ron departed to help show the new Gryffindors to their dormitory.  
  
Harry walked happily with Ginny and Neville up the great stone steps. It was amazing how much better he felt just being inside the castle walls. Upon reaching the portrait of the Fat Lady Harry, Ginny, and Neville stood frozen. They had forgotten to get a password from a prefect. Their dilemma was instantly solved at the picture swung open revealing a harassed looking Hermione. "I was wondering where you three had gotten to" she said stepping back to let them pass through.  
  
All three murmured their thanks to Hermione. Then saying their goodnights in turn all Gryffindors climbed up to their rooms. Harry and Neville entered to find Ron, Seamus, and Dean already fast asleep on their four poster beds. Quickly and quietly Neville and Harry dressed and slid under the heavy covers of the beds. As Harry's head fell against the soft pillows his last thought was of a pair of liquid silver eyes.  
  
Many floors below in the dungeon dormitories those liquid eyes were not having as easy of a time falling asleep. Draco's mind was filled with thoughts of Death Eaters and a messy mop of black hair which framed a thin face holding the sole mark that his family was against. Why on earth was he thinking of that idiot Harry Potter anyway?  
  
Resigning to the fact that he had been lonely all summer, that must be what caused these feelings to turn from anger to a softer expression, Draco let himself drift into an uneasy sleep.  
  
Draco heard the sound of soft footfalls behind him and turned to have his steely silver gaze be met with the green eyes of that special Gryffindor. Both boys stood transfixed, staring at each other, neither knowing what to do and to scared to be the one to make the first move. Draco could feel his hands tremble slightly as he lifted his foot and took a step towards the raven haired male in front of him.  
  
Harry didn't even flinch as Draco took one step then another towards him. It seemed Draco an eternity before he finally reached Harry. He held out a tremulous hand and cupped Harry's cheek gently in it. Draco's resolution finally broke as he pulled the green eyed beauty towards him and placed his lips gently upon the other boys.  
  
The kiss was so gently, so soft, and so brief. Draco pulled back to see Harry smiling sheepishly at him. Draco pulled the other boy back for another kiss, being less gentle this time. He ran his tongue along Harry's bottom lip till he opened his mouth. The two boys let their tongues explore each other mouths. As the kiss deepened Draco pulled Harry close to him till their bodies were pressing firmly against one another's. Draco felt it wasn't enough; he was so empty he wanted all of Harry at that moment.  
  
Both sets of hands roamed furiously over each others removing both shirts that hindered their contact. The skin on skin felt electrifying to Draco, Harry felt so smooth and so comforting. Both boys broke apart letting themselves take in gulps of air, but Draco couldn't seem to stand it. It seemed as though he had wanted this for years, now that he finally had it he wouldn't let it go.  
  
Draco pressed his lips firmly back on Harry's and felt the other boys strong hands snake into the back pockets of his tight fitting blue jeans. Draco moaned longingly into Harry's mouth as Harry pushed on his backside causing both boys beginning erections to rub against each other between the layers of fabric.  
  
The Slytherin pulled his mouth away from Harry's and began kissing all down his neck. The taste was addicting to Draco, he licked, nipped, and sucked at Harry's flesh eliciting the second moan to be heard come from the depths of the Gryffindor's throat. Draco lifted his gaze to meet that of the emerald orbs he was already starting to love.  
  
Harry's lips were red and slightly swollen, the already messy hair tousled in all directions, his eyes smoldering with a deep passion and lust for Draco. Draco kissed Harry again, he could hardly stand this need he had for the boy in his arms. It was threatening to burst from his skin which was too constrained to hold it all.  
  
"Let me be in you Harry" Draco whispered against the sweet smelling skin of Harry's cheek.  
  
Harry merely nodded, "Yes Draco."  
  
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~: ~:~:~:~:~:~: A/N: Thank you so much to all my reviewers, you motivate me to write more. I'm sorry this chapter took so long to write but I've been so busy with school. I'll attempt to get the next chapter out as quick as possible. You're input is really great. ^_______^ 


	6. Fire and Ice

"Time for breakfast" came a grunting voice as a pillow collided with Draco Malfoy's face.  
  
"Ugh!" Draco's voice came muffled by the pillow. "You two are absolutely tactless!"  
  
It had been a wonderful dream and those gorillas had to ruin it. Draco sat up letting the last warm rays of summer sun play across his face. He stretched gracefully letting the last moments of sleepiness slide of his body with the flexing of each muscle. Crabbe and Goyle were not in plain sight. Most likely already down at breakfast.  
  
In the confines of the head boys personal bathroom Draco was washing his face in a small neatly polished sink. His bare feet padded softly against the marble floor as he moved awkwardly to get the towel without dripping water everywhere. Draco's face emerged from the fluffy towel pink but clean. Smirking he headed back to his room for clothes.  
  
Getting dressed always took Draco an age. Thank goodness for school uniforms, eh? He thought cheekily to himself. After a quick glance in the mirror and smoothing his hair Draco bound down the steps of his dormitory and out into the dungeon hallways. Draco walked quickly not noticing where he was going till he ran into a completely solid object. Two simultaneous grunts sounded as two figures fell to the floor. Draco propped himself up to see none other than Harry Potter. Unbidden images flashed through Draco's mind.  
  
"Sorry Malfoy" said the boy rubbing his head.  
  
'Get up Draco' said a voice in the back of his mind.  
  
"Malfoy you ok?"  
  
'Do something' his brain screamed.  
  
"You need to go to the hospital wing?"  
  
Draco regained his composure and sneered menacingly.  
  
"You need to watch where you're going, Potter!"  
  
With that the blond boy leapt, cat-like to his feet and strolled through the Great Hall's large oak doors. Harry sat on the stone floor a moment more, rubbing the ribs that had taken the brunt of the collision. Harry the crawled to his feet, much less gracefully and walked off into the Great Hall. The dark haired Gryffindor trudged down the house tables finally taking a seat next to Ron.  
  
"Hey Harry." said Ron through a mouthful of bacon.  
  
"Morning Harry." Came Hermione's voice from across the table and behind a copy of today's Daily Prophet.  
  
"Hey" he replied to both of them helping him self to copious amounts of porridge.  
  
Ron studied Harry for a moment "Can't wait for Quidditch to start."  
  
Harry smiled. What he has missed most of all being at the Dursley's was flying. This year he was Quidditch captain and he was dead set on them winning the cup.  
  
"Yeah, I figure we'll start practicing early, maybe give us the upper hand."  
  
Ron began a long rant on Quidditch tactics as Harry began to let his mind wander. He was glad to be back with all his friends again, but one thought plagued his mind. Harry knew he would not be done studying once he left Hogwarts, but Hogwarts was his home. Harry was not going to be glad in the least to leave it.  
  
"Harry? You listening mate?" Ron's voice broke through Harry's thoughts.  
  
"Hmm? Oh sorry Ron, guess I kind of got lost there."  
  
"Are you alright Harry? You seem a little out of it today." Hermione's yes met Harry's and he knew what she was thinking. She was thinking Harry was lost in his thoughts about Sirius.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine" Harry replied giving what he hoped was a reassuring smile.  
  
"Well good. We have potions in about ten minutes, we better head down." Hermione snapped her book closed.  
  
Harry and Ron groaned loudly as they stood simultaneously and let themselves be dragged out of the Great Hall.  
  
Over at the Slytherine table Draco had been watching Harry closely. The previous nights dream had spooked him. He had no idea what had spurred these sudden feelings towards his enemy. It must be the lack of sex, Draco had not been aloud much pleasurable company over the summer and it was starting to show.  
  
"Draco, darling. We need to be going to potions." Simpered Pansy.  
  
Draco was not fond of the girl. Really she whined, gossiped, and sucked up. That basically summed the girl up, she was quite useless. Another vision of the tantalizing dream appeared before Draco's eyes and he felt his trousers tighten. The blond looked over his shoulder and smiled hungrily at Pansy as she smiled bemusedly back at him. Maybe she wasn't completely useless after all.  
  
10 minutes into the class Harry was tossing ingredients unceremoniously into his cauldron prodding them to the bottom while the mauve liquid gave a small hiss and bubbled. At that moment Draco Malfoy came striding through the dungeons door and strode quickly to the professors desk, Pansy not far behind.  
  
Snape nodded coolly and said, "Malfoy you will partner Potter over there, maybe you can make something of that mess he calls a potion. Ms. Parkinson with Ms. Bullstrode."  
  
Harry groaned as Malfoy smirked and dropped his book bag next to his seat. The blonde boy cocked his head and gazed into the potion.  
  
"Dear god Potter, you are hopeless." He drawled in the most annoying manner.  
  
"Well if you're such a pro do it yourself." Snapped Harry pushing the ingredients roughly towards Malfoy.  
  
If Malfoy could indeed improve his grade, why waste the time of doing it himself?  
  
'Why let this idiot ruin my potion?' Draco asked himself and settled into cutting daisy roots with precision.  
  
Harry glanced at Malfoy through the corner of his eye, surprised Malfoy had not forced Harry into doing the work. Malfoy seemed so engrossed in the potion as his skillful fingers worked the knife expertly. A few strands of hair that escaped his gel settled in front of his eyes. Harry nearly laughed at his obvious concentration letting the corners of his lips curl up ever so slightly. Minutes passed and soon the class was drawing to an end.  
  
"Potter hand me that vial there." Said Draco in an almost civil manner.  
  
Harry hastened to hand the vial to Malfoy and as their hands touched both boys froze. Draco felt heat shoot up through his arm in an almost an electric manner as a dull flush crept into his cheeks. Harry stared dumfounded at Malfoy's hand on his.  
  
This time however Harry regained his composure first, dropping the vial into Malfoy's hand and pulling his own away quickly. Draco mouthed wordlessly before snapping back to reality and turning his head sharply to the potion. Draco scooped some of the potion into the vial and labeled it carefully. Harry noticed Draco doing his best not to look at Harry as he rose and walked to Professor Snape to turn in their completed potion.  
  
Harry leaned over and began stuffing books into his bag. He felt Malfoy return and begin doing the same but neither boy spoke. The bell rang and both boys stood as their friends came behind them. Harry and Draco meant to leave at the same time but ended up hitting shoulders rather hard.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you to watch it Potter?" Harry looked over at Malfoy and met his ice cold gaze.  
  
Draco sneered and beckoned to his cronies to follow him as he disappeared out of the dungeon door. Ron made to go after Malfoy but Hermione held him in place.  
  
"Git." Harry murmured before leaving the dungeon with Ron and Hermione for lunch. 


	7. Lying Alone

Harry yawned loudly as he sat across from Hermione and Ron at the breakfast table. The first three weeks of school had seemed a lifetime for him. Homework was piling up and Quidditch practice had started. Needless to say, Harry's life was booked.

"Sleep well Harry?" asked Hermione hardly looking over the large text book perched on her lap.

"Sure." That was a lie; as usual Harry's dreams had taken him to the department of mysteries. He had stood at that veiled curtain hearing Sirius call his name, but Harry couldn't move, couldn't help Sirius as he so longed to do and it made him feel so hopeless.

"Well you better eat something quick, History of Magic in a few minutes."

"Oh joy!" came Ron's sarcastic reply and Harry hid a smile as Hermione shot a glare at their red-headed friend.

They rose and left the Great Hall talking and laughing on their way out. A pair of silver eyes followed their progress with contempt.

"Draco? Draco, are you listening?"

"Of course Pansy." Draco turned his eyes back on the girl to smile at her.

"Well whatever." She said shaking her head. "It's time for transfiguration anyways." And grabbing Draco's hand dragging him out of the hall followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

The day past in a blur and Draco and Harry found themselves knocking shoulders at the entrance to the Great Hall. Both had stayed late. Harry on the Quidditch pitch and Draco in the library.

"Potter." Draco spat but with less than the normal enthusiasm.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Having troubles walking today Malfoy?" he shot back.

With a last icy glare in the boys direction Draco swept into the hall. He sat heavily between Pansy and Millicent.

"Nice time in the library?" Pansy asked in honeyed tones.

"Absolutely thrilling." Draco sighed picking up a plate and placing some chicken onto it.

Pansy Millicent and the two goons all started talking. An insult of a classmate here a useless comment about the days lesson there. Draco was quiet but no one seemed to notice. He was surrounded by his "friends" yet he felt this horrible emptiness clawing at his heart. It inflated in his chest making it almost unbearable.

"I'm off to bed." He announced suddenly standing and leaving his housemates confused.

Draco ran through the torch lit halls. Somehow it was making him feel better. The sweat running down the back of his neck as he panted heavily and his thighs burned with the effort of running so fast. He wanted to keep running forever, he felt as if he kept running nothing could catch up and hurt him. All too soon he stood at the entrance to the Slytherin common room. He breathed the password and walked into the dungeon like common room.

'Why is it like this' Draco asked himself fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

He mustn't cry. His father always said that Malfoy's don't show weakness and his mother had never contradicted the idea. A foreigner to all forms of affection and love Draco always assumed one could live without it. At the moment however, Draco was unknowingly suffering from a pain caused by lack of love. But he refused to show any kind of weakness. He would not let down his father. So raising his chin he climbed the stairs to the confines of his bedroom.

Back in the Great Hall Harry sat listening to his housemates talk avidly to one another, occasionally nodding or smiling. He wasn't really paying attention though. He was thinking of how he had seen Malfoy run suddenly from the Great Hall and his friends puzzled looks. Harry wished he could do the same but in truth he was afraid of worrying his friends. But what could it hurt if he hid his pain from his friends? It kept them happy and that's all that mattered.

Dinner came to an end and the trio stood and headed back to their common room. Harry lagging slightly behind, sinking into his own world as his feet followed Hermione and Ron automatically.

Before he knew it they had given the password to the fat lady and were sitting in chairs around the fireplace.

"So Harry," Ron began. "Big match against Slytherin tomorrow, think we're ready?"

"Hmm? Oh of course I think we're ready." Harry smiled at Ron and Hermione.

Ron had improved greatly since their fifth year and it showed during practices. Harry loved being back on his broom but was feeling the pressure being Captain. He wondered how Oliver and Alicia did it sometimes.

"Well all I can say is good luck tomorrow." Dean said energetically. "It'd be great to win the Quidditch cup again."

The group all nodded and smiled at each other.

"What about Snape this year? Eh?" questions Seamus.

It was true Snape had seemed to have eased up on the Gryffindors this year, it was odd but Harry had an idea it had to do with whatever he was doing for the order. Snape always had the air of someone who didn't sleep well. Harry knew the feeling. It was odd but he felt a slight twinge of sympathy for the potions master.

"How about a game of chess Harry?" Ron asked Harry jarring him from his thoughts.

"Sure" he replied and they sat down to a game, Hermione reading as Seamus, Dean and Neville all discussed the Snape situation in puzzled and occasionally amused tones.

Ron beat Harry in a series of four games and at ten the entire group decided to call it a night. Hermione headed off to her dorm room and the boys there's. Outside of the door Harry was stopped by Ron who stood in front of him, a concerned look on his freckled face.

"You okay mate?" He asked worry laced in his tone. "You've seemed so out of it lately and they way I just creamed you at those chess matches, well..."

"I'm alright Ron, just lost a lot in my head lately."

Ron nodded. He would be lost a lot too if he had gone through what Harry had, and the looming threat of Voldemort had all of them scared. Secretly Ron admired Harry. He seemed to take everything he was given and just bear it. Ron didn't think he could ever hold up that strong.

"C'mon Ron, lets get some sleep. I'm beat."

Ron nodded and they both entered the room, Dean, Seamus and Neville already in their beds and beginning to doze off. Harry and Ron slipped into their pajamas and got into bed silently.

"Goodnight Harry." Ron said. He hoped Harry knew how much he and Hermione cared for him.

"Goodnight Ron."

Soon the room was filled with Ron's snores as Harry lay wide awake staring at the dark velvet of the curtains surrounding his bed. He was hurting so much and he felt so alone. He was afraid of falling asleep in case of his dreams that would come and haunt him.

Harry turned over and did something he hadn't done in a while. He began to softly sob into his pillow. Little did he know a certain Slytherin was doing the same many floors below.

A/N: I am so sorry my chapters are so short guys. I don't feel like this is my best work but you guys are so wonderful in all the reviews you give me. You all lift my spirits, and so a special thanks to all of you;

Ovensfriends

BioHazrdusMatrial3

wispykitty

moonstardust

bluebutterfly9

SyNightstorm

Lexy-Element

Ceris Malfoy

RAiNbOwGrL22

crazy-lil-nae-nae

Sylvia Sylverton

Faith Dragonis-Panther

pleiades007

IluvDraco

JVanilly

Sweet Sorrow1

silver-sunn101

Siren Dragon

wildvictoria

Goldengirl2

Miss Lesley

My Slytherin Mind

Niamh Tirneanach

Huge apologies if I missed any of you!


End file.
